Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Eve to Become F2P

CCP announced today that they will be removing subscription fees from Eve Online. Although the CCP team had been deliberating for months over whether Eve should be made Free to Play, and whether it should be made Pay to Win, a decision was finally made after the appointment of Sean Decker, who is a passionate believer in F2P games and pioneered many free EA titles.

The former Electronic Arts executive appeared to be somewhat delusional in the comments he gave the Huffington Post. He said he viewed the world as one 'giant microtransaction'. This is a rather odd view to have on the world, as a transaction involving it would not be micro. Nonetheless, in his first day of work at CCP he was able to convince CCP Hellmar that it was the right move for Eve.

Hellmar then stepped onto the balcony of CCP headquarters Reykjavik to issue the following speech to his staff and perplexed bystanders. "My friends, today it is time for Eve to step on another glorious stepping stone. Me, myself and Sean Decker have decided we know what is best for Eve and Dust. With immediate effect, subscription fees have been abolished, and any existing gametime you have on them will be transferred to Sean Decker's premium account, since he bagsied it. You will now have the option to buy either a Premium Account, an XL Premium Account, or a Super Duper XL Premium Account. Of course, you can still use your crappy standard account if you're poor LOL." With that, Hellmar retreated into his office, the sound of hundreds of cheering CCP employees carried to the centre of Reykjavik.

About an hour later, a dev blog was released by the new 'CCP F2Pmaster". It was brief and to the point, as copy and pasted below.

Hi spacebros!
I'm CCCP's new employee Sean Decker, and I'm here today to talk to you about the changes that are going to affect Eve Online.
Thanks to CCCP Hellmar's willingness to accept that Eve must adapt or die, the game has been adapted to an F2P model. I'm hope you're all as excited about this as we are here at CCCP headquarters in Reykjavik! Every single account in the game is active again, but there are some limitations as to what non-bonuses accounts can do. I'll list every type of account here and the pros and cons of it.

Standard Account

  • Can Undock
  • Can move
  • Can activate modules
  • Can use market at 50% tax rate
  • Can't warp
  • Can't jump
Premium Account ($30/9000 aurum a month)
  • Can do everything a subscribed account used to be able to do
XL Premium Account (60$/20000 aurum a month)
  • +300% accelerated training rate
  • 50mil isk paid per day
  • +5 attribute implants redeemable at the start of every billing period
  • 500K free skillpoints everyday
Super Duper XL Account (100$/45000 aurum a month)
  • +750% accelerated training rate
  • +100% to all isk payments
  • 150mil isk paid per day
  • New +20 attribute implants redeemable at the start of every billing period
  • Free Titan of your choice at the start of every billing period
  • 2mil free skillpoints everyday
The Eve community have reacted in a predictable manner at the changes. The forums were full of happiness, joy and admiration for CCP F2Pmaster. One happy customer, named 'Anslo', said on the forums "I'm so happy CCP has finally done what we've wanted them to do for years. Now I don't have to buy hundreds of PLEX every month to fund what the scammers and The Mittani drain from me. I've already bought a Super Duper XL Account for the next 5 years, and I love it already! I just doomsdayed a station in lowsec, I've never been in anything so intense before!"

CCP have also considered that they will consider adding a fith tier of account, for those who would like to use ships that previously could only be used by developers, such as the Polaris Inspector Frigate. The comment on the forum received 965 likes, and is likely to be implemented on Sunday.


  1. This is shit and you should feel bad.

    1. Sorry for scaring you.

    2. You didn't. That's what made this article suck so much.

    3. Show us on the doll where sarcasm touched you.

  2. Yeah, CCCP is what the Pandemic Legion Sphere Dev team are wearing on their sleeves.

    Thanks for playing.

  3. Super Duper XL Account (100$/45000 aurum a month)
    +750% accelerated training rate
    +100% to all isk payments
    150mil isk paid per day
    New +20 attribute implants redeemable at the start of every billing period
    Free Titan of your choice at the start of every billing period
    2mil free skillpoints everyday

  4. To counterbalance the naysayers - I liked it, Howard, and I'd like to see more such articles in the future. Also, all Anonymous posters are cowards.

    1. I'm just saying: I've seen the reference. I'm not falling for this scam.

      Other than that, I definitely like it and I'd like to see more of it. Anything that adds to the fabric of EVE makes it that much more real.

  5. Please kill your self for writing this article

  6. funny as hell, loved the CCCP part, keep up the nice work!

  7. Well done, but if you backed it up with some fake links to things taken out of context it would have been 'out of the park!'

  8. Heh, that was actually pretty funny. Please ignore the anon trolls because obviously they are too afraid to put a name to their complaints. Also, +1 to Spear's suggestion.

  9. Still have to polish the writing a bit (maybe one or two more passes, fresh set of eyes maybe?) but hands down better than the first!

  10. Still more reliable than EN24TM

    That was funny.

    The rest... needs work, but I really like the concept. Your problem is that Eve players spend a lot of time taking a shitty game way too seriously, so eventually they'll take your sarcasm too seriously as well.

  11. Terrible. Stop doing these.

  12. This one isn't as funny as others. It is just preying on readers fears... which is only funny to the writer. Maybe pick topics that the majority of players are MILDLY interested in, but not overly attached to. Enable them to get a chuckle with some witty spin... but this is a valid fear for many who aren't keeping up with the news.


  13. So much butthurt in here. This gave me good laughs, keep it up.

  14. Funny shit. Troll pride.

  15. I lawled. Hard. Keep it up. o7

  16. You need to make these more believable otherwise it's just "LOL I R FUNNEH I MAEK JOEK BOUT P2W SP ND MURE STUFF ND GIT LULZ!!!!1111!!11"

  17. Can someone explain to me where and how we can do missions if we cant warp or cant leave a galaxy?

    1. That's why you buy the premium account...

  18. lol@Raging against adblock users (up top)