Internal Revenue Service Now Offering Tax Deductions on Eve Losses

In a shocking move that had stocks rocketing to a new record precipice, the United States Internal Revenue Service announced today that the federal government will now accept tax deductions on losses incurred while running corporations inside the virtual universe of Eve Online.

Cheers would have been heard throughout all of nullsec at the announcement, but alas, in space no one can hear you scream, so you’ll just have to take my word for it that people were very happy.

“When I heard the leader of the TEST alliance was black, I just had to help”, proclaimed United States president Barack Obama at a press conference in the White House rose garden, “being the first and only brother to run America, I felt bad for Boodabooda’s troubles as CEO.  Being the only powerful black man in an entire galaxy can be very challenging, and I can definitely relate.”

The bean counters in the economic division have been crunching the numbers, and have concluded that they don’t have nearly enough beans to calculate how much money alliances such as TEST and CFC will receive in refunds next April for the fiscal year of 2013, so they just made up some numbers instead:

·         According to our calculations TEST has lost, (and can write-off up to) nearly eleven trillion dollars in financial losses for the year, and will receive two hundreds solar systems of real space as compensation. Goonswarm have complained to the CSM concerning the sovereignty mechanics these systems will use, but CCP say it is out of their control.

·         Pandemic Legion will be reimbursed for their Revenant loss by receiving the decommissioned Soviet military nuclear supercarrier Ulyanovsk, complete with fighter jets and a full complement of three thousand meth-addicted Russian Eve players.

·         Black Legion is the only alliance that will still have to pay taxes this year, being that they have lost literally nothing, and have taken everyone else’s shit.

·         CFC, who have posted the most significant loss of the year so far, eleventy-quadrillion dollars, will be owed so much money that The Mittani will be elected Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank and given his own printing press to devalue everyone’s currency, and fun, around him.

And these losses just don’t cover giant alliances – even you can get a piece of the action. 

Starting October 24^th, American taxpayers can download or request form EVE544-B, and itemize losses incurred while playing Eve Online during the year of 2013.  Depending on the going rate for PLEX, taxpayers will calculate their returns by dividing their losses by the cost of a single PLEX. 

For example, if your Amarr Providence freighter was suicide ganked in hi-sec, you would take the value of the ship, approximately 1.4 billion isk, and divide it by the average price of a 30-Day Pilot’s License Extension (520 million), and then convert the result to a dollar amount.  Your return would look something like this:

1,400,000,000.00 (Providence)/520,000,000.00 (average PLEX cost)

 = 2.69 (PLEX) * $17.00 (cost) = 34 + 11.73 =

$45.73 that you can deduct on next year’s tax return! 

So the next time you are besieged in a station in low sec, don’t be afraid or hesitant to take that shiny new T3 Tengu out for a ride on the town.  Even if you get blown up, you’ll be saving yourself, and your country money!  In fact, you’ll be a downright red-blooded, eagle hugging American taxpaying patriot.

 BoB bless the U.S.!

6VDT-H Battle Report

6VDT-H recently hosted the largest battle in Eve's 10 year history, with the CFC and N3ST forces fighting over the station that was home to Test for two years. The CFC dealt what appears to be the death blow to Fountain, expanding their vast empire and their revenue as they gain control of one of the richest regions in the game.

The battle was centred around the station, which came out of shield reinforcement at 19:44, the CFC armies were in system around an hour before this time. Their flotilla was composed of seven Baltec fleets, one AHAC fleet, one Fuckyou fleet and two bomber wings, with around 2000 people surrounding the station. Test only bridged into the system minutes before the timer expired. A Test line member told me "the FCs thought the station would come out at 20:44, it was only when they watched the CFC forces on Madani's twitch channel that they realised they were wrong. An All Hands on Dick ping was sent out to bridging titans, and they managed to log on in time to send the fleet in."

Many of the CFC ships were equipped with warp scramblers to prevent the station from escaping. One goon newbro told me "after the station came out of reinforce, we were told there was a very real danger that they station could warp away. We'd been ordered by some guy with a loud dog to stop the station from retreating."

Over the next few minutes, Test fleets slowly trickled onto the station grid. The Admiral Squad, Test's squad/SiG for people who like making money, took the opportunity to run some Serpentis sites. One member proudly told me he made 5mil isk in half an hour, then proceeded to criticise CCP for the TiDi that had prevented him from making 100mil isk an hour. Finally the Admiral Squad's Nagas trundled onto the field.

The CFC's bombers were under the command on Kcolor and Dabigredboat. Dabigredboat was streaming the fight on themittani.com's twitch stream, and appeared to be extremely enthusiastic about his slightly miscoordinated bombing runs. He encouraged fleet members to 'throw bombs over there' and 'throw a bomb at that bunch of pods'. During the battle, I asked him how many R64 moons he had been promised for leading the fleet, he replied "5, 5 I think". There was also some feeling among members of the CFC bombing wing that Test had paid for their fleet using RMT. A bomber who boasted 15 Prophecy kills told me "Test are completely broke, so they can't have paid for this fleet by themselves. They're even too poor to afford Rokhs now, so they have to use battlecruisers instead. I fucking hate poor alliances."

During the middle of the battle a small group of BNI salvagers attempted to enter the system and steal modules from wrecks as well as salvage them. Unfortunately, they were killed before they could enter the system. As the battle continued to grind on, the CFC brought 200 Dreadnoughts into the system, and although they came late they still had a huge impact on the battle. Test FCs ordered their pilots to stay on field, the they disregarded the order and fled the station grid. BoodaBooda managed to rally the troops around by threatening to kick any members that left the system, and led 200 more ships to their death, killing a CFC Naglfar. They claimed it was an op success and were podkilled home.

Many CFC participants still had their ships and were bridged home, but this was interrupted when a jumping Titan was pushed out of an insecure POS and killed by NC. supercapitals. The titan pilot, who belonged to Li3, claimed that his alliance was competing with FCON for the prize of losing the most titans.

After the smoke had cleared, Test have decided they didn't want that system anyway and are now preparing to defend Delve. The CFC have tauntingly said that the money from R64s in Delve will be used to give a PLEX a day to the newbro who asks the cutest question. BoodaBooda replied with another poor quality Lord of the Rings quote.

Most non-CFC members of the Eve galaxy have not taken the news of the expanding Goonswarm empire well. One perhaps slightly misinformed Highsec miner told me "now GEWN will try to conquer highsec, but GEWN cannot conquer highsec because it is already own! CCCP should add new mecahnic to ban GEWN from highsec because they do not belong and they only make other player sad!" One philosophical lowsec pilot named Gorski Car suggested that SOLAR were all CFC alts, and that they invaded the east to deliberately distract N3 from the war.

"The only thing known for certain is that the unstoppable Goon warmachine is now in motion and it cannot be stopped! Unless every single alliance and player in Eve unites against The Mittani everyone is doomed to WoW!" - Riverini, EN24 article on the battle

Several Corps Abandon Test and Join Brave Collective

Due to the loss of 24 systems last week and the internal strife that has been afflicting Test, several corps, including Di-Tron Heavy Industries and Enlightened Industries have either been kicked from or left Test. Statements from four of the five exiled corps announced that they would be joining the Brave Collective, an alliance mainly composed of Brave Newbies Inc.

The CEO of Di-Tron Heavy Industries said "No one seems to care about Fountain any more, no one bothers shooting those fucking bees. We've tried to participate in the war, but we're completely unsupported. With Beffah stepping down from mildir and someone stealing enough stuff to completely bankrupt us again, Test is completely fucked and fuck them. Fuckers." There certainly have been a multitude of alarming events that have struck Test this week. Without N3's support, Goonswarm Federation have managed to take hold of 24 systems this week, and are now attacking 6VDT-H (also known as Jerusalem), the capital of Fountain.

They were also shaken by Beffah's departure from Test, who accused BoodaBooda of betraying her by replacing her with a new military director. In the controversial forum thread, someone jestingly commented "Kick ENL-I", which is often thrown around by members of Test. It seems that a director in Upvote, the holding corporation for Test, took this comment seriously and proceeded to give them the boot from the alliance. Once the director realised his mistake, he tried to rectify it by inviting them back to the alliance, but the damage had been done. A couple of bump Stabbers slowly moved an ENL-I bridge titan out of its shields, but no Test members answered the ping to kill it. The Titan logged out two hours later unharmed.

Enlightened Industries, Di-tron Heavy Industries and two other smaller corps have announced they will be joining Brave Collective within the next day. The CEO of Enlightened Industries said "Perhaps it's time we stopped tryharding and actually had fun. Well, we weren't tryharding before, only pretending to, but it's time we stepped out of the closet and admit we don't give any fucks about anything. All of our population that cared about making money in Fountain left when the CFC declared war anyway, so the members that remain are quite content to be completely broke but blow stuff up all day."

Ponywaffe, the one departed corp that did not join the Brave Collective, say they are going to start a guild on WoW because they are 'tried of all the violence in Fountain', and commented "can't we all just be bros and not care about isk?"

Leaked diplomatic logs also indicate that Dreddit, the biggest corporation in Test, may also be leaving the alliance soon. The conversation shows BoodaBooda and Jinli Mei, speaking with Codo Yagari, head of one of the weaker alliances in the ProviBlock; Yulai Federation. The logs show that Dreddit would be allowed to join the alliance if they paid the 1bil joining fee for corps that were KOS to CVA. Unfortunately, it seems they had to postpone the move because they didn't have enough money to pay the fee; according to PacketNinja's estimates it will take around 2 months to raise that sum of money.

200mm Plates Become Popular After ATXI Loss

The opening weekend of the 11th Alliance Tournament saw a lot of action and hundreds of explosions. Those that go onto win the Alliance Tournament become revered and admired in Eve society, and even those who actually compete gain respect amongst its players. One of these competitors, Scrutt5, has become a role model for carebears trying to PVP, and his usage of 200mm Reinforced Steel Plates on a Bhaalgorn has been imitated many times since the match on Saturday.

This new way of thinking has gone down well with members of the incursioning community. Gideon Tyler, executor of a reputable incursioning alliance, recently treated his members to a '200mm roam'. The FC himself was flying a Vindicator with six 200mm Reinforced Steel Plates II, which went down in seconds to three gate camping Tornados. He took the loss relatively well, saying it was in the spirit of the 200mm roam. A bystander named Key Dett commented in local "Damn they need to nerf incursions, you silly fucks have more isk than you know what to do with."

Many people believe that in terms of combat practicality, 200mm plates are far superior to their 1600mm cousins. One EFT warrior told me that although they gave 4000 less armour hitpoints than 1600mm Rolled Tungsten plates, they have less mass and therefore make the ship go faster. He commented that with a microwarpdrive running the difference in speed would be a massive 7m/s, which to an EFT warrior makes a world of difference. They also take up less powergrid, meaning that it is easier to fit a full rack of them to a ship, as some people have been doing.

There were other inspiring losses in the first round of matches, such as the Goonswarm Federation Incursus with but two blasters and nothing else equipped. Allegedly said frigate also had no ammo, was was restricted to trying to stay alive for as long as possible. It looked like this fit had been copied straight from Brave Newbies' doctrine, and was in common use before the Tournament rather than after it.

Other popular set-ups included Mildly Sober's battle industrial team. Unlike the other two fits, this one wasn't intentional and was thrown together because they didn't have enough people to field an actual team. This one has caught on particularly well with new players; one miner reported six Badger Mark IIs and four Iteron Vs surrounded his Retriever and tried to execute it, managing to bring it down to half its shields by using five Magnetic Field Stabilisers on each ship.

 This weekend's action has bought about a lot of interesting kills, bringing about new trends that will last until next Tuesday. It's hoped that things will get even more interesting towards the end of the tournament when things begin to heat up and fits get increasingly exotic. We may even start seeing recent innovations such as BattleSkiffs, thanks to their now hugely buffed EHP reservoirs. 

In other Alliance Tournament related news, Test Alliance Please Ignore have internally announced that they will be fielding 12 Blackbirds in their match against Late Night Alliance on Saturday, citing financial difficulties as the reason behind it.

CFC Opens Deklein and Tenal to Renters

Spymaster The Mittani has announced in a State of the Goonion update that the Clusterfuck Coalition will finally be starting a renter programme. Although in the past his alliance and coalition have been hostile to the idea which has been a primary income source to eastern alliances, the change in stance is said to have been bought about by the need for another income source during the Fountain war.

Although the decision was surprising, it is logical given the circumstances. The CFC is invading Fountain to gain Test's R64s following the Technetium nerf that came with Odyssey. However until they can gain control of the moons and start mining them they will not have access to that revenue and it will not be able to support their extensive reimbursement system. Although the CFC has a reasonable source of income in their current moons in the north, it is drastically less than it was prior to the summer, as this graph taken from the K162 blog illustrates.

Even though trillions of isk is stored deep within Goonswarm Federation's obese wallet from those prosperous days, as the Fountain war continues to drag on it will continue to empty. An inside source revealed that the war machine would run dry in October if the war continued at its current pace, which is a somewhat probable event. Things could also get a lot worse for the CFC and they could be pushed back into Cloud Ring, in which case it's likely the war would become even more bloody.

A new renter alliance will be formed, named 'Tiny Bees', and will function in a similar way to alliances such as S2N citizens and the Honey Badger Coalition. Goonswarm seem to be looking to undercut other rental services which charge a base of 3 billion isk per month per system, and will instead charge only 2 billion isk for a system with poor truesec, going up to 4 billion isk for a good truesec system. In total, around 200 systems will be up for rental. The Mittani also hinted that they would offer discounts if renter corporations were active in the Fountain war; although they will not be allowed to join CFC fleets they are highly encouraged to kill 'testicles'.

The space communists of the east have taken the opportunity to point upwards and laugh. One member of a Russian speaking N3 alliance said "Mittani has slurred off socialism to noobs for long time but now he is realise that you can make lot of isk from peasants on farm. Is good idea for him to do, but he will try to double it in Jita and he will get scammed haha))))." Many eastern alliances do indeed heavily lean on their renter programmes because of the lack of valuable moons there. Time will tell whether it will complement the CFC's income to the extent they are hoping it will.

Goonswarm Federation Acquires 10 Enigma Ships

A character in an NPC corporation has fallen victim to a Goonswarm suicide ganking alt. However, this measly untanked Badger was carrying no ordinary cargo. He wasn't even carrying PLEX. He was instead carrying a batch of ten ships that until this gank were only flyable by CCP. The ships and the accompanying skillbooks are estimated to be worth trillions, most of which is likely to go into Goonswarm's wallet.

It was a quiet day along the Dodixe-Jita trade route. The Iteron Mark Vs were merrily going about their business, the Marmitive Collective's numerous gangs were keeping carebears away, and some Mackinaws were hapilly chipping away at some veldspar. But something disturbed this. Vite4ek Birka's untanked Badger jumped into Suroken, and its priceless cargohold was spotted by niqii. Mr. Birka was completely oblivious to the fate that awaited his Badger, as he was autopiloting. It's not quite known how he came to be in possession of the ships in the first place. Although efforts have been made to find out how he did acquire these ships, killmail searches have been fruitless and the man himself speaks too little English to communicate anything.

The Tornado destroyed that Badger in one shot, and niqii's alt was able to scoop the loot without incident. He then logged onto his Goonswarm main, who having been in the organisation for 5 years is quite high ranking, being just short of a director. According to The Mittani's announcement on his site, niqii generously offered to donate 9 Enigmas and 9 skillbooks. He had kept one for person use, and said that the paradoxical conundrum of Polaris requiring Polaris V to train did not hinder him, as it seems to have been listed as a requirement rather than being coded as one.

The leader of Goonswarm went on to say they would be selling Enigmas at 2 trillion isk and the Polaris skillbook at 3 trillion. The price seems to be justified given their rarity and the fact that they are actually relatively powerful ships. CCP have said they will not interfere in the affair for an unknown reason, which could increase the number of prospective buyers who were worried they would be stripped of their purchases. Should all the loot be sold, the CFC will be granted a windfall of 45 trillion isk, which far eclipses the donations received by Test. This will be enough money to reimburse around 25,000 Rokh losses at current rates, but there's no telling whether all the money will be used on payouts in the Fountain war.

This uncertainty has worried many highsec dwellers who are somewhat irrationally bitter to Goonswarm Federation. One veteran miner, who owns 15 accounts, told me about his concern. "I have been mining for 8 years now, and every one of those years the G00Ns have come up with a new way to cheat. Hulkageddon 1, Hulkagedoon 2, Hulkageddon 3, Hulkageddon 4, Hulkageddon 5, Oxytope market cheating, Jita market cheating 1, Jita market cheating 2. Every one of these events I have lost a ship to those dicks despite trying my hardest. By Jita market cheating 2, I actually put an invul on my Iteron, but they still ganked it! no wonder eve is dying."

BoodaBooda has taken the news better than the residents of highsec. He said "We've had a lot of luck thanks to CCP in the past, so the CFC deserves some luck too. It's just a shame they haven't got it yet. This 'fortunate drop' will only distract them from the war and make them too rich to care about fighting. Meanwhile it will motivate the average infuriated Test line member to show up to more fleets. This will be the turning point in the war.

Although The Mittani himself did not mention what they would be spending the isk on, many Goonswarm seniors have been dropping very strong hints they will be burning Highsec. There has also been a strange rise in the price of security tags; one trader said on Twitter their 340 tags had been bought by an hour old alt named "Jimmy Bee". Speculation has suggested the CFC will hire The Retirement Club and Black Legion to deal with the remainder of Delve's defensive force. Commentators have said increasing reimbursements would be a good idea, as well as giving away carriers to every character that can fly one.

For now, Goons seem most interested in filling the forums with smug. It will be a short while before the impact can be seen in space, and how many people it will enrage. The only thing known for certain is that The Mittani has been laughing for the past 98 minutes at the killmail alone.

The Mittani and BoodaBooda to Have 1v1 Duel, Winner Takes Fountain

The iconic leader of the Clusterfuck Coalition and his opposite number have agreed to participate in a duel which will seal the fate of the Fountain war. The one on one fight will take place in RP2-OQ on Sunday 21st July, and is expected to be watched by tens of thousands of players. The winner of this event will take over the region of Fountain, the stakes of a 1v1 duel have never been higher.

Initially suggested as a joke during the early days of the way, the idea gained popularity with Test's directorate after it became clear how protracted the war would be. Although Test's wallet has managed to keep its head above water thanks to donations, it's likely that avenue of funding will soon dry up. With Pizza attacking and destroying R64 moons in Delve and the CFC occupying them in Fountain, it seems unlikely Test will be self-sustainable while the war lasts. It appears that BoodaBooda accepted the idea after realising that the odds were not in Test's favour, hoping to bring the war to a close sooner rather than later.

The CFC had a different reason to accept it. Test does not stand alone in the war- assistance has slowly been pouring in throughout its duration. Major powers such as N3, Pandemic Legion and Northern Coalition. have joined Test in their fight against the CFC, and the recent expiry of their agreement with Black Legion to not attack structures also seems to have been a contributing factor in The Mittani's decision to accept.

The CFC and Test have agreed that should either side fail to honour the agreement, any future diplomatic agreement should be considered forfeit. Thinking of trying to interfere in the fight? Think again. Hundreds Test and CFC bubblers will be working to create a safe arena for the two parties to do battle, which will be around 500km in radius and will consist of hundreds of large bubbles. The ring will be guarded by 50 Tornados from each team, ready to alpha anything that tries to enter the arena.

This is the first time a major nullsec war will be decided in the manner, with the stakes higher than in any other single battle in Eve's history. The entire war will be decided by just one fight, which could last for mere minutes. The fight itself is likely to be watched by thousands of people in person, who ideally will be gathered peacefully around the arena. To ensure fairness, the only people in fleet shall be The Mittani, BoodaBooda and Chribba, who has agreed to referee the match. This will prevent the use of off-grid boosting. Although it's not known what ships will be used to duel, it's expected that only T1 frigates will be used. There will be no fitting restrictions, meaning implants and any modules may be used in the fight.

Battle will commence at 20:00, and if you can't make it to RP2-OQ in person there will be other places where you can watch the most decisive duel in Eve's history. This five minute long engagement will determine the fate of thousands of players and leave an imprint on nullsec politics for years to come.