Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Group of Seven Pilots Announce Intention to Invade Providence then Rent it Back to CVA

Seven mildly competent capsuleers have publicly stated they have gone to war with Proviblock after failing to settle a sovereignty dispute over the Providence region. They say they were left with little choice after CVA's diplomatic team failed to recognise them as serflords of the region.

The first battle of the war took place in K1Y-5H, a fairly quiet active system owned by Yulai Federation. Five of the 'Supreme Seven' were present, including Moros pilot Steve Ijonen. They were able to put the I-hub into shield reinforcement despite the heavy enemy presence in the system - unconfirmed reports state the locals were unaware the pilots were there, despite the fact they besieged the system for over six hours.

CVA have denied any assault has taken place on their region overnight, we were able to secure an interview with Equinox Daedalus, the leader of the alliance.

Tubrug1: Hello Equinox!
Equinox Daedalus: I prefer Sir Lord Admiral Equinox Daedalus of the Amarr Empire.
T1: Can I just call you m8?
ED: No.
T1: Excellent, so tell me m8, how are you taking the joint Deep Core Mining - Federal Navy Academy invasion of Providence?
ED: We haven't received any official report of attacks by the seven individuals who tried to rent our own space to us without invading it, however we did discover an I-hub had been reinforced several hours ago. We're not quite sure who did this, but when we find out our retribution will be swift.
T1: The Seven reinforced it.
ED: That's impossible, they're neutral to us. In fact, once of them paid YF 10 million isk to dock a Moros in the K1Y-5H station yesterday.
T1: Yes... Could you tell us more about CVA's new Prophecy doctrine which you intend to use to fight these invaders?
ED: Well it's nicknamed the stab because it's got so many Warp Core Stabilisers. It allows us to quickly run away if the battle isn't going in our favour.
T1: What if the enemy uses bubbles?
ED: That's why we've got improved cloaks!

Tensions continue to mount in Providence, with morale particularly low on the Proviblock side. "How are we supposed to fight them if we can't see them?" pondered one Care Factor pilot. "I bet they'll just fucking blob us" speculated another. The Seven said they had planned to rent the entire region back to them for 50 million isk/month - which is not a trivial sum of money for a modest alliance like CVA. With fireselling on the minds of many Providence residents, it's a question of who will be the first to crack under the pressure of a sov war.


  1. I dont fancy them all that much but this particular piece is just brilliant. CCP should hire tuburg1

    1. Why, so they can claim Incarna was just satire?

  2. Dumbest story ever

  3. lol, don't you have better things to write about? :)

  4. Good story.

    Satire is really best kept short. I can write good short articles, but once it gets to the longer ones there's just nothing to write about.