Thursday, 27 June 2013

Exclusive: Why the CFC Invaded Fountain

As many Highsec dwellers don't know, the CFC has been relentlessly attacking Fountain for several weeks. To a confused noob on Reddit, the war may seem like something that is to do with many bees attacking a water fountain. But that is wrong.

Although many people believe that the CFC has been attacking Fountain to get R64s, they've actually done it for a completely different reason. They have grown tired of shooting people, and instead have tried to get good fights out of structures. There are several tactical reasons for doing so, all of which carefully deliberated by the CFC's Directorship, also known as The Mittani and the first three of his alts.

The CFC does not find engaging with players fun. Instead. they would rather shoot structures and take hundreds of screenshots of Dreads shooting a POS. There are also rumours that some less experienced players in FCON think that some structures will drop 'rare loot' which can be equipped on Titans to stop them from dying. The fact these structures cannot fight back appears to be drawing the remnants of SMA to shoot them, knowing that their enemy has even less power than red crosses. Perhaps this is what The Mittani meant by 'good fights' when they deployed to Delve.

The average line member does seem to be enjoying themselves greatly. When asked for comment, one grunt said "It's good to be back shooting things that can't fight back. It's great knowing that the POS can't doomsday you. During Burn Jita, the one thing that held me back was the fear of my Thrasher being hotdropped by a SOLAR titan. But you don't have to worry about that here. It's great having experienced FCs like DBRB watching our back for doomsday POSes."

While it appears the CFC's Ministry for Newbro Education has been successful in driving up fleet participation, there are clearly some underlying issues in their knowledge of the game. Fortunately this hasn't stopped the CFC from taking a bite out of Fountain. Part of this bite included o7m8 systems, which was facilitated by Sort Dragon, as he eagerly explains.

"Well I'm glad you asked me for an interview, since noone else wanted to interview me. Let me tell you of the time I was leader of a vast empire that stretched from Period Basis to Delve. That doesn't sound very far, it was actually more than that but I can't remember the names of the regions. Can you cut that part out of the quote? Thanks. So anyway, I didn't like how Tests forums were organised and how they hadn't made DurrHurrDurr biomass himself, so I told BoodaBooda to sort that s*** out. Then he got all 'rebel' on me and told me he was leaving the HBC with Raiden. and Tribal Band. It would've been more effective if he said they'd kicked us from the HBC and renamed it 'The Rebels'. Then I used The Mittani's 3rd party service to sell an Avatar, but he scammed me out of the 285bil I paid for it. He said I could have it back if I transferred all o7m8 sov to him, which I did. Then I realised I aborted the four titans under construction! And then he didn't give me back my isk!"

We were also able to gain some evidence that The Mittani was trying to talk to N3 leadership. Eventually they got so annoyed with him convo spamming that they entered the war on TEST's side. BoodaBooda is said to be aroused by this move.

So, wonder no more what's going on behind the CFC's closed doors, and Sort Dragon's closed bedroom. Thanks to your new reliable news source, you have your answer. If you would like us to find out about any other nullsec affairs, or lowsec affairs, or highsec tears, leave your requests in the comments.


  1. 10/5 would read again

  2. I was laughing my assignment of at Sort Dragon. This is amazing

  3. Confirming all the above information is true and accurate.