Sunday, 20 July 2014

The Eve Onion Guide to Alliance Tournament XII Teams

With the alliance tournament drawing ever closer it's about time we assessed this year's field. Obviously no one's heard of half of the 64 teams competing this year, but it can be hard to tell whether the remaining alliances are bad, full of shitlords or somewhat decent. Fortunately the Eve Onion is here to give you the lowdown on the most relevant teams participating in ATXII.

BRAVE COLLECTIVE
Oh no wait, Matias forgot to fill out the form, top kek.

CODE.
Many expect CODE., the official alliance of James 315's New Order, to go quite far in the tournament. While they obviously can't PVP, their tactic of torturing the opposition before matches should make up for this. With Chief Spaceship Detective Ripard Teg gone, it's believed Erotica 1 will be the cornerstone of the team, using alts to torment players of the opposition before games.

CURATORES VERITATIS ALLIANCE
In a desperate attempt to remind people they still exist, Eve's least glamorous alliance will be entering the alliance tournament yet again this year. It's rumoured they petitioned to have the ship destruction boundary removed so they could warp their ships away due to their lack of funds, only to be told to man up by CCP Fozzie.

FIDELAS CONSTANS
Erm... did anyone tell FCON the Alliance Tournament involves fighting players rather than NPCs? Well at least they can't lose any titans in CCP space, and it shouldn't be too taxing to put 12 people in a fleet.

HUN RELOADED
Tryhards.

HYDRA RELOADED
Also tryhards.

MINISTRY OF INAPPROPRIATE FOOTWORK
I've never seen these guys on TQ but godamn they have a good name. Take note people, this is how you name an alliance.

MOIST.
No one's going to take you seriously if your alliance name is an innuendo. 

NULLI SECUNDA
Thanks to their recent deployment to Vale where they have lost 15 capitals over two fights, many have labelled Nulli the new FCON. Due to this and the recent split which resulted in corporations leaving to form a FW alliance, many are doubting whether Nulli will still be alive at the time of the tournament. 

PANDEMIC LEGION
Not content with causing the COMPLETE STAGNATION of nullsec thanks to the BOTLRD accord, Pathetic Legion now want to go and ruin the Alliance Tournament for everyone else. If you support PL you are, in fact, a dick.

PASTA SYNDICATE
These guys should have plenty of time to practice after being camped in stations by the CFC on a regular basis, however it's not clear whether PASTA will have enough actual people to participate in the tournament due to their number of alts.

RAZOR ALLIANCE
Sadly RAZOR will not be able to outnumber the enemy 5:1, allegedly the threshold required for the CFC to engage, and so many expect them to do poorly despite being the least retarded CFC alliance in the tournament. 

TEST ALLIANCE PLEASE IGNORE
Test have already exceeded expectations for this Alliance Tournament by being able to afford the 5 PLEX entry fee, rumoured to have been donated by Gevlon Goblin. There's no pressure on them to go any further.

THE NAMELESS ALLIANCE
Here we have the polar opposite of the Ministry of Inappropriate Footwork, with the worst alliance name I have ever seen. 'The Nameless Alliance' is a name you fucking idiots.

THE UNTHINKABLES
Apparently these guys are in N3, and are best known for their recent ploy on a BRAVE system which resulted in them being shat on. Fairly irrelevant before this move.

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